Oh gosh, I already kind of hate myself for making this post because I am making myself one of THOSE bloggers. But there is just something I want to talk about that doesn't have to do with my freaking cute Colorado life. I can't just blog about the details of my life because it's just a fact that no one cares that much. Anyway, I have wrestled with myself for a really long time about posting this, but whatever, this is my blog and no one is forced to read it so you can stop right there if you don't care about my opinions. I wouldn't even care if you opposed my opinions completely. I would never try to force my opinions on anyone, e v e r , which I guess is why I wasn't sure about posting this...so yeah, don't think that. Also don't get mad at me. Ok, here it goes.
Lately I've been seeing a gajillion posts on Facebook concerning a very prominent topic of subject in our society these days: m o d e s t y . Or perhaps, the lack of it. It goes both ways. I've seen tons of LDS posts and a lot of members of that particular faith voicing their opinions. Just as much as that, I see posts that are not from an LDS standpoint that talk about how women's modesty is becoming way too big of a deal and we shouldn't be "shaming" women for what they wear. It's all so much to take in! And what are we supposed to believe? Geez Facebook, stop trying to make me take sides on such a touchy subject.
Well ok, I'm just going to take a whack at this and say what I think. Because I think "modesty" is a vague topic. People try to pinpoint it down to one thing, one definition, and that's actually not the way it is at all.
Let me give an illustration. Let's say you are making a salad for your BFF who's semi lactose intolerant (that's probably not a thing but just pretend) and so she asks for a modest amount of cheese. What do you do? You put less cheese. Duh, right? But think about it, we're often taught that modest mean more, not less. I've been taught my whole life that modesty means to cover up, wear more clothes. In essence, more is modest. But that's actually not what it means…otherwise your BFF would have asked for a lot of cheese instead of a "modest" amount. So if modesty means less - and in the back of our minds we know that - why do we usually get taught that it means more? How the heck did modesty get so turned around?
So here's kinda what I'm thinking. I get that it's important to dress well. Personally I've always been taught that covering up is the best way to go. Respect your body, God gave it to you and dress in such a way He would be proud of. Like yeah, I think that's awesome. But the concept of modesty really has to do with what's inside of you, and not the clothes you wear on the outside. Less is more. Don't think less of yourself, but think of yourself less. Be gracious. Uh oh, I'm sounding cheesy. But seriously. It's about humility. It's about the way you act, the way you carry yourself.
Clothes are great, whatevs. But what the heck kind of good does it do to get everyone all worked up on the clothes they wear rather than what's on the inside? I feel like people are losing sight of what matters, because we are either not conservative enough with what we wear, or we are too obsessive about being conservative and making girls feel bad for not dressing "modestly." Oh gosh, I can't even take it! Both extreme sides of the argument are at fault here because bottom line is -- what the heck does it matter in the long run? The whole obsession with "modesty" is killing my brain cells. It defeats the purpose if you're obsessing about covering inch of your skin or showing it all off if you're not a nice person. Live and let live, who cares what people are wearing. Worry about YOU. What you consider immodest may be totally comfortable for the person wearing it. What you consider someone I guess "overly modest" may be what's most comfortable for them. I just feel like there's not a reason to call judgments against someone for what they wear. Even if you're like me and choose to dress modestly because it's part of your personal/religious standards, why would you judge someone because of what they wear? I'll be frank -- Your high standards matter less if you're that shallow.
Another note if you are still even reading: Dressing "immodestly" or "modestly" (I'm sick of both those words right now) should depend on your preference and NOT BASED ON WHAT THE MALE GENDER WILL SEE AND THINK. There are two aspects to this:
1. Don't lower your dress standards for a guy EVER, it's not worth it. If you have to show more skin to get a certain guy's attention, you don't want his attention anyway. I think at some time or another, all of us girls have felt like we need to dress a liiiiiitle skimpier to get those male heads turning but I promise you, it is not worth it ladies. It's cheesy but I promise you don't want him to love your body before he loves the rest of you first. It doesn't work like that.
2. Don't flip a biscuit if your ankles are showing because you want to help a guy "keep his thoughts clean." It's NOT your responsibility to control a man's thoughts. It frustrates me to see people shame girls for dressing the way they do just solely based on the fact it may be somewhat distracting to men. Even for a little while when I was a tween, I thought that was the reason I was supposed to dress modestly. FALSE. Get that out of your head now. Of course, it's probably not a good idea to dress in such a way that will make the men around you uncomfortable. Be aware of that and be considerate of those around you. Dress appropriately for your "audience" per se. But it's just not right to think "I have to dress this way so that he won't have naughty thoughts." Jeffrey R. Holland, an apostle of the LDS church, addressed this topic, more pertaining to sexual purity but in this manner:
"What kind of man is he, what priesthood or power or strength or self-control does this man have that lets him develop in society, grow to the age of mature accountability, perhaps even pursue a university education and prepare to affect the future of colleagues and kingdoms and the course of the world, but yet does not have the mental capacity or the moral will to say, 'I will not do that thing'? No, this sorry drugstore psychology would have us say, 'He just can't help himself. His glands have complete control over his life--his mind, his will, his entire future.'
To say that a young woman in such a relationship has to bear her responsibility and that of the young man's too is the least fair assertion I can imagine. In most instances if there is sexual transgression, I lay the burden squarely on the shoulders of the young man--for our purposes probably a priesthood bearer--and that's where I believe God intended responsibility to be."
This is talking more about sexual transgression (see the full talk here, it's one of my favorites of all time) but it definitely applies to this issue. Bottom line is this, do not feel like you, as the woman, are responsible of keeping a man's thoughts clean and that's why you should dress the way you do. I'm sure that many fellow members of the LDS church would really disagree with me though and that's totally fine. There are always going to be points against it and whatever. Don't purposely play to a male's weaknesses by wearing something scantily clad. Sometimes there are exceptions and I did mention some of them...but yeah, this is just me, my own opinion. Don't forget that if you're annoyed at this post and think I'm a dumb idiot.
All right, I'll be done now. I can't stress enough how much it is ok if you disagree with me, because this is just the way I see the modesty issue. It's a big thing in society right now and I felt like writing all this so there's that. Make your own blog and post your own rant if you're that heated about it. But yep, that's how I feel, ok love you bye.
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